When you hear the words “greek life,” what comes to mind? If you asked me that question before my experience at Sonoma State University, I would probably say girl drama, gossip, parties and house rankings. While those things may still factor into the bigger picture, I would now add sisterhood, philanthropy, leadership and role models. Over four years, I had the opportunity to experience every aspect of greek life from different perspectives-the unbiased freshman or potential new member (PNM), the sorority executive board member, the panhellenic president and the inactive general member. From COVID-19 to mean girls, I promise I gained my fair share of struggles while simply looking for unity and friendship in Alpha Delta Pi. Wether you are looking into greek life, already experienced greek life, or struggle to understand the value of greek life- I am here to share the pretty, the ugly, and everything in between.

One of the most valuable gifts greek life gave me is strong female role models. Greek life in general attracts an array of individuals- women looking for leadership opportunities, fraternity boys, forever friends and so much more. Due to the variety of reasons women are attracted to sororities, chapters end up with an extremely diverse mix of personalities more often than not. In my experience, I watched the values of the women in my sorority dramatically change over the course of four years-but we can get into that later. I still remember my first day of Panhellenic primary recruitment four years ago. I wore the yellow dress that I wore on my favorite summer day in Amsterdam, because it made me feel like sunshine. I cannot encourage girls enough to dress the way that makes them feel the most comfortable in their own bodies while trying to impress an organization of unique women. I met some of my lifelong role models that day without even knowing. As I continued my journey through recruitment weekend, I reflected on each conversation thoughtfully before making generalized decisions on which chapters I wanted to return to, and which I preferred to let go of. By the end of my weekend, I saw myself in the motivation reflected amongst the women I talked to, and the happiness that radiated from the laughter in Alpha Delta Pi. I may not see that same motivation in Alpha Delta Pi today, but I do still see it in those same women I talked to that weekend-and I will forever look up to the women that drew me into Adpi. As I began my journey as a new member in the chapter, I began to meet dozens of college women with at least one thing in common as me-the common goal of finding something rewarding in Alpha Delta Pi. While the definition of what will result as rewarding varies greatly, you slowly make your way through meeting new people and determining which ones will result in friendship, and which ones will simply remain as sisterhood. Camrie, Maryelle, Christa, Miranda, Jessica, Lauren, Carly, Maria, Bella, Gianna-thank you for truly showing me what it means to be an adpi woman and to hold yourself to a higher standard. You made my experience worthwhile.

Greek life also engages individuals in the opportunity to develop leadership skills within an organization. Leadership was a huge reason I proceeded to join greek life, because making an impact on my community has always been something I value as an individual. However, my experience in leadership within the greek life community taught me what it means to use the power of leadership for growth, and what abuse of power looks like. During my term on the executive board of Theta Gamma, I discovered how easily individuals in positions of power can abuse power and overstep democracy. From big decisions to baby decisions, I watched my team, and more importantly my advisor, make choices that every member of the chapter should have had the opportunity to vote on. Bylaws were changed, fines were determined, and events were deemed mandatory without the consent of the general members. Women joined the executive board hoping to embody themselves in the juicy, dirty secrets of the members of our organization. Meetings were held simply to discuss the nitty, gritty drama swirling through our chapter. Formals were held with the intentions of judging the behavior of every individual who entered the building. “Leaders” in our chapter circled events with hawk-eyes, hoping to spot reasons to target individuals for being anything less than perfect. Our chapter advisor played a role in labeling, gossiping, and shaming college women for imperfection. As a student-led organization, it was extremely disappointing to be college students controlled by an advisor who chose to shame cropped clothing and experimental decision making instead of promoting equality and enjoyable college experiences. Something my chapter repeatedly failed to understand was that every single woman in Alpha Delta Pi was important, and should have felt important. In four years, I was never awarded sister of the week. I served on our executive board, I served as the Panhellenic President of Sonoma State, I served as an Associated Students executive officer, I joined multiple Alpha Delta Pi committees, but because I vocalized my concerns and advocated for equality- my value was never recognized. My chapter was the only chapter that refused to support the events held by other sororities, and the overall greek community. My chapter was the only chapter that did not follow the guidelines or regulations during the first ever virtual recruitment, which of course occurred during my term as Panhellenic President. My chapter recognized my efforts the least, and made my position feel unrecognized. This part of my greek life journey taught me to put energy into people and places that value my efforts- and to let go of things that refuse to choose equality.

My membership in Alpha Delta Pi gave me the opportunity to develop lifelong friends. I met Ashley in my recruitment group freshman year, and we quickly become Alphas together, sisters, friends, and eventually even roommates. Ashley embodies the same values I saw in Alpha Delta Pi during recruitment, and she never fails to show me what it means to be a good friend. Gabby and I shared a friend group freshman year, and as we both learned that some women did not need to become our friends outside of the general sisterhood, we grew closer and developed a friendship that will last a lifetime. Without these women, my experience in Alpha Delta Pi, and my college experience as a whole would have never been the same. Over the course of four years, we together overcame standards meetings, evacuations, power outages, wildfires, COVID-19 outbreaks, weekly chapter meetings, mandatory chapter events, and so much more. Even when things felt scary or overwhelming, Ashley’s bubbly personality and Gabby’s supportive attitude made me see something positive. Even when the pressure adpi put on us felt like too much for our friendships, we were able to step back and remember that the societal rules our chapter put on the intimidating process was smaller than the friendships we had developed. I am grateful every day that I was able to find forever friends like Ashley and Gabby. My fondest college memories come from our adventures to the river, dancing together at bid day, exploring Southern California together over breaks, and so much more. While the disasters we overcame will always come to mind when reflecting on our college experience, I feel so grateful to have had friends and roommates by my side. The endless album of photos from formals, recruitments, bootcamps and dorm photo shoots will always be my favorite college treasure.

Sisterhood is supposed to be a collection of women sharing experiences and collaborating on activities. My first San Francisco giants game is a memory I share with my sisters from 2019. My first time visiting Berkeley was on a visit to the adpi house with my chapter, and watching the Cal baseball team play. Endless visits to the RMH house in San Francisco have my heart from the pre-pandemic era of my college experience. A huge portion of my adpi experience is filled with heartwarming sisterhoods with my chapter before the pandemic. After the pandemic, however, a major shift in the key values of our chapter happened and our sisterhoods have never been the same. My first giants game sisterhood was consumed with snacks, laughs, and a large section of the stands consumed by adpi letters. As one of our first sisterhoods after the pandemic, we went to a giants game! I was so excited for this experience after missing two years of giants game sisterhoods. We were shamed for not wearing masks properly, the entire time, even while eating or drinking-even though masks are no longer required outdoors. We were yelled at for embracing alumni sisters we saw on campus while meeting up to caravan to the city, which hurt the hearts of the alumni who were not acknowledged or loved, as they should be. We were shouted at for walking too quickly, or too slowly, at the stadium. We were threatened repeatedly, with fines and loss of privileges, even though it was our first reunion event in two years. Overall, it was extremely unpleasant to be twenty one years old and shouted at, threatened, and individually attacked for no reason made me feel like a victim. My hope is that Theta Gamma eventually decides to advocate for each other, and make the choice to treat each other with ONLY kindness and respect. Our college experience should be filled with adventures and sisterhoods, without the shame and without the aggressiveness.

Greek life is an opportunity to mix friendship, social events, professional development and leadership into one organization. Greek life is also a cohort that is targeted for negative outcomes of partying. In reality, the individuals have the opportunity to make sorority organizations and college campuses fun, respectful, and safe. My sorority advisor led the charge in changing the leadership positions to healthy leadership to abuse of power, and my hope for the future is that the women of Alpha Delta Pi decide to advocate for equality and make the chapter an organization that creates a space to make meaningful relationships a part of our college experiences. My experience in Alpha Delta Pi at Sonoma State University was disheartening, unwelcoming, and unfortunately an experience I wish I could have left behind sooner. However, I learned so much about my personal values, and I made friendships that will last a lifetime. Thank you, Theta Gamma, for giving me a space to develop strong, independent female role models. Without you, I would be leaving no legacy in Alpha Delta Pi. Because of you, I am leaving my legacy as Panhellenic President, Executive officer, and advocate for a chapter that would actually make our alumni proud.